Tag Archives: emotional manipulation

Picking the Losers or a Jerk Increases the Risk of Depression

The title of this might seem super, super obvious – but then – if it’s so obvious, why do so may people do exactly that?

Depression

Why Women Pick Losers and Jerks:Emotional Manipulation
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If you feel extremely despondent, dejected, hopeless, or inadequate, like an unseen force is pressing down and squishing the life out of you, there’s a good chance you are experiencing depression – and you probably don’t need me to tell you that.

But, did you know depression can be linked to the types of relationships you choose?

You might feel like a victim in a bad relationship, but really, it is more likely that you have unknowingly made yourself the target of an emotional manipulator.

Why Do I always Attract the Losers?

If you think of yourself as a victim, with things just “happening” to you, then you slip into the role of feeling like you are under attack by a bully, and it is a relationship pattern people tend to repeat over and over.

What a Jerk!

As you learn to recognize your own unmet emotional needs, your emotional stress levels and stressors, you will also become able to recognize emotional manipulation and emotional blackmail on the part of your manipulator.

Conquer Emotional Depression

Recognize that it is not the manipulator who is the problem, it is your fear.

For most targets, as the target of emotional manipulation, or as a target of a loser/jerk, you feel reject-able in some way, and deep down, and that fear of rejection means you will always be at risk of being manipulated by the next loser/jerk to come along until you learn to recognize that fear.

(The book above or the video below both explain it better if you have time to read the book or watch the video.)

But, that does not mean “this unhappy situation is your fault – because it is completely natural to do anything in your power to avoid rejection – even letting someone be a jerk and treat you badly.

How to Get Out of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

First, if the emotional abuse you are experiencing is more severe and you do not feel safe, find a shelter, such as the local women’s shelter to get help and protection.

Find your positive – so you can move ahead and escape the dangers of depression caused by unhappy relationships and emotional manipulation.

Learn to see what holds you back and makes you let the losers treat you poorly.

Remember: even if – when – you have a setback, keep believing in yourself and keep focusing on the positive.

Emotional Manipulation Video

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What Is the Real Risk of Tolerating Emotional Manipulation?

Being the victim of emotional manipulation makes you doubt yourself, it makes you lower your expectations, it makes you do and say things you never thought you would do or say while letting someone hurt mentally and spiritually – you in deeper ways than you ever imagined you might tolerate.

This last one, however, is the big one – tolerating this kind of emotional bullying can also make you sick.

Emotional Manipulation

Escape the Hidden Dangers of Emotional Manipulation
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Emotional manipulation is a form of intimate partner abuse and psychological manipulation, where a dominant partner changes the weaker partner’s behavior by attacking them on a personal, mental level in order to control that weaker partner.

 

If you find yourself not doing the things you care about in order to keep the peace at home, you may be a victim of this type of manipulation – you might not even be aware of the  changes in yourself until they become severe.

Forms of Intimate Domestic Abuse

Intimate domestic abuse can be mental or physical in nature. Emotional abuse in relationships can feel like the worst type of abuse when you’re getting the brunt of it.

While obviously no one would want to be physically abused, victims of this type on mental abuse often say things like, “I would rather be punched than feel this kind of pain.”

That type of statement is more of an effort to get the bully, or anyone, to listen and to understand just how deeply the pain goes from the emotional abuse and manipulation.

Types of Bullying in a Relationship

As mentioned above, there are two main types of bullying in a domestic relationship – emotional manipulation and physical violence. Tolerating either type of abuse puts you in danger, and should be taken seriously.

If interested, you can read Are You Being Emotionally Manipulated in Your Relationships? to learn more about emotional manipulators.

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Accepting Emotional Abuse Blocks Your Ability to Build a Happy Life

If you’re here on Intrinsic Vicissitude to learn about building a better, happier life, but you are also in an emotionally abusive relationship, you already know first-hand that the title of this post is true – but did you also know you have choices and do not have to remain a victim of this type of emotional manipulation?

Accepting emotional abuse takes away your joy and stops you from growing as a person. It gives the person bullying you all the power and wraps the victim in a shroud of stress and fear.

What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a type of relationship bullying that typically uses verbal abuse and manipulative, spirit-crushing tactics to control the victim. It does not leave the same physical signs as domestic violence, but it is a serious form of domestic abuse.

Living with emotional bullying leaves the victim angry, and afraid. Happiness cannot exist, much less grow in a soil made up of anger and fear.

How to Stop Being Bullied by a Loved One

First of all, if someone is bullying you – that is not a person who loves you. It is a person who wants to control you, and that has nothing to do with love or affection.

  • If you or a loved one are dealing with this type of victimization, recognize your own role in it – in that by accepting it you allow it to continue.
  • Educate yourself on codependent relationships.
  • Seek counseling.
  • Keep a journal if you can keep your bully from reading it and using it as a tool to bully you more.
  • Do whatever you have to do to get stronger so you can have the life you want and deserve.

You can learn more about identifying emotional abuse on the Dr. Phil website, or reading a book on codependency, such as Why Women Pick Losers and Jerks or Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.

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