Have you ever waited for the right time to say something, only to see the opportunity to speak up slip past? Or, have you thought of a great concept for a business but decided to wait for the right time to DO it – only to see someone else start a business and start living YOUR dream?
It’s really common to wait for the ‘right’ time to do something and later realize you missed your chance. It’s normal to want everything to be perfect when you go for a dream, the thing is, perfect is rarely part of the human experience, and when you wait for perfect, you miss your chance.
Another Opportunity Is Coming
If you missed a chance to ‘go for it’ on previous idea or even a relationship, know that other opportunities are coming your way. You just have to be ready to see them, and ready to act when the time arrives.
It’ll Take Too Long… Not an Excuse!
I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard saying things about not going back to college because they’re tool old and it’ll take too long. The thing is, time is going to pass all the same. Same goes for starting a business. Making it a success is going to take a lot of time.
However, that time is going to pass all the same. Would you rather get to the end and look back with pride, or look back and wish you had tried. You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take.
What if you try and you don’t succeed? You can try again or start something new. Each failure is a lesson you can use a foundation to build success, it’s not an end unless you CHOOSE for it to be an end.
When the Idea Is Great but the Time Isn’t Perfect
Instead of focusing on what isn’t perfect, for example if you have a business idea and don’t have the money to start it in a big way… look for other ways.
Would it be great to open a big manufacturing facility to produce your ‘widgets’? Sure! Is it necessary to start big? Nope!
Hewlitt-Packard started in a garage. McDonald’s started with one small restaurant. The point isn’t always perfection or starting in the way you want to start. It’s starting or not starting. Period.
Start From Where You Are
The best advice you can get is to start from where you are. This is especially true for business ideas, but you can apply it to anything.
For example, if you have a great idea for fashion designs. Make a pattern and make one and put it for sale in an online auction or a social media group.
The pattern can be adapted until it’s just right. You can use the money from the one you sell to buy materials to make two. Sell those two and reinvest that money.
It isn’t a fast way to start, but it’s a better than what you’re going to feel if you see someone else making tons of money after THEY develop the idea you had.
The past few weeks, I’ve been really struggling with focus, and the amount of work I’ve been able to produce has really suffered. I decided to try listening to some music with binaural beats to improve focus, and I wanted to pop in here and share a bit about it. (Music that’s got a beat but isn’t much to dance to… though a night out dancing to regular music has benefits, too.) After all, being productive is one huge thing that affects my sense of positivity and how I feel about – well – everything.
Where I Found Free Music With Binaural Beats to Improve Focus
Since this is my first experiment with this technique, I wanted to explore some free options, and I found some on YouTube. I don’t have enough experience with this yet to recommend any specific binaural beats soundtracks or videos, but I will say I found the music and experience of listening to Super Intelligence: Memory Music, Improve Focus and Concentration With Binaural Beats Focus Music by Greenred Productions while working made me feel more at peace – which was in itself a very nice thing after a crazy-hectic few weeks.
Music With Binaural Beats as Part of a Meditation Session
I also listened to music with binaural beats as part of a couple meditation sessions, and I found these far more relaxing than my usual meditation sessions. I also found I was more deeply relaxed for severalhours after the meditation sessions than normal.
What Binaural Beats Haven’t Help Me With Yet
So far, the jury is still out for me on whether binaural beats can help improve my focus and productivity, though I suspect with patience and continued use I may see a change for the positive. As of now, I haven’t noticed any real improvement in those areas. Where I have noticed improvements are in the depth of relaxation I’m able to achieve and the depth of meditation I’ve been able to achieve with these relaxing tones playing in the background while I work and meditate.
What the Experts Say About Binaural Beat Therapy
Binaural beat therapy might sound like a lot of silliness or like some new fad, but a bit of research reveals its long history and its effectiveness at treating some patients.
Binaural Beats were first discovered in 1839 by Heinrich Wilhelm Dove, and it “has been used in clinical settings to research hearing and sleep cycles, to induce various brain wave states, and treat anxiety,” according to Psychology Today.
Almost ten years ago, around 2010, it was popular to say that kids listening to binaural beats were i-dosing – or that binaural beats music was a digital drug for teens – which was really not proven to be the case – but I wanted to include a mention of it here in case you remember reading about i-dosing from back then.
My Questions for You About Binaural Beats
I’m curious to hear if anyone reading this has tried listening to music with binaural beats to increase focus and productivity (and if it worked or not.)
I’m also curious – if it worked – did it work the first time or did it take multiple tries to notice a difference?
I’m thinking about picking up this CD of pure binaural beats on eBay, to make a personal self-guided meditation for myself, so if you’re interested in trying it for yourself, pop over to eBay and take a look.
Feeling Lost? Browse through these quotes (from wiser people than I am) on ways to change your life to get some potentially revitalizing ideas.
Ways to Change Your Life if You’re Feeling Lost
Shift your focus to something other than your problems.
“Love people who hate you. Pray for people who have wronged you. It won’t just change their life… it’ll change your life.” – Mandy Hale
Change what you can in a positive manner, even if it’s just something small.
“Small shifts in your thinking, and small changes in your energy, can lead to massive alterations of your end result.” – Kevin Michel
Let it start with the way you think, all change begins inside of our minds.
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein
Know there are things in life that you can’t change, accept those things and focus your energies on the things you can influence.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” – Lao Tzu
Realize we aren’t meant to understand everything, and that’s okay!
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large – I contain multitudes.” – Walt Whitman
Allow yourself to be open to new ideas, you can’t achieve change in life by holding onto the things that have already failed to provide positive results.
“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” – Frederich Nietzsche
Learn all you can, read, take classes, search the internet for information, talk to people, take notes, because learning is the foundation upon which you can build a brighter, stronger future.
“Change is the end result of all true learning.” – Leo F Buscaglia
Thanks for reading! I really enjoyed putting this post together, especially since I was feeling a little lost today myself, and I hope you enjoyed these short quotes about ways to change your life when you’re feeling lost.
No matter how much good you do for others, or how much progress you make in life regarding things you perceive as your own weaknesses, toxic people know how to swoop in like vultures and wreck it for you – but there are some things you can do to keep your cool and stay on your own path.
The Backstory Behind this Post About Maintaining Motivation and Not Letting Toxic People Get to You
I want to share the story of a recent trip I made to the local Goodwill store as an example of what I mean.
A random encounter with a totally toxic crone is the inspiration for these tips;
(I know, I shouldn’t call her a crone, but she wasn’t Cinderella, and if the shoe fits…)
First, I have been exercising daily for 63 days now. I alternate resistance training with cardio, and I’m doing it for my health, and I have been looking for something to work my glutes and thighs, but I’m a budget shopper so I was at Goodwill.
My entire goal in exercising is to get stronger and be able to enjoy some active things, like hiking and riding a bicycle this summer – if I lose any weight – that will just be a happy bonus.
Whether I lose weight or not is completely irrelevant to me – I just want to be able to enjoy life and do active things without getting out of breath and wondering if my heart is going to give out.
Sure, if I do lose some weight, I’ll be happy about it, but it’s not my goal.
So, anyway, I found an exercise step at Goodwill for $4.50, and I thought, “Hey, that would be a great addition to my exercise gear!” and I stuck it in my cart.
This short, chubby, older woman came up, looked in my cart, and asked what it was.
(What kind of idiot snoops through stranger’s carts at Goodwill anyway? That’s not normal!)
I explained it’s a step to use for exercising at home.
(Exercising… NOT losing weight – there’s a difference! Diffferent goals, different motivation.)
She replied that she had tried many times to lose weight, and her daughter had lost 80 pounds a few years ago, and they both gained it all back – and she went on to say that NO ONE EVER loses weight and keeps it off.
(Bold statement to assign her own failure and her daughter’s failure to every living person on the whole planet given there are 7.5 billion people living here, but… okay…)
Finally, before she left, she looked me up and down to assure herself that I was, in fact, fat, then she wished me luck… and told me not to feel bad when it doesn’t work.
(At no point in the conversation had I said a SINGLE WORD about weight loss – that was this random stranger’s BAGGAGE, not mine.)
I smiled and nodded, all the while imagining myself smacking her with said exercise step – I didn’t though – I prayed for her black, ugly soul to gain some insight, for her to evolve into a decent human being that doesn’t need to crush others for no reason, for her daughter to escape her insanity, and for the toxic woman’s rotund, stubby body to gain at least 80 more pounds.
(I know, not the world’s nicest prayer, but I truly meant the nice parts, and at least I didn’t hit her with an exercise step…)
The encounter got me thinking about how many toxic people we come into contact with, and how deeply they can affect us when the only thing they are really doing is trying to reduce the pain and disappointment they feel in regards to their own pathetic lives.
If my only goal in exercising had been weight loss, though, this encounter might have sent me home crying with a chocolate cake and left me giving up my efforts permanently.
The toxic woman would have likely defeated me if she had managed to correctly guess my goal in exercising, so I guess I was lucky that her baggage about not losing weight was different than my own.
Ways to Keep Toxic People From Wrecking Your Motivation
I’ve already hinted at the first two ways I want to suggest for preserving your own resolve in the face of abuse toxic people.
Pray for them, or send out good vibes if you’re not a praying person. Put your own anger aside long enough to truly wish the other person well. You can do that by praying for them or by simply sending some good vibes their way. It doesn’t matter if that person knows you wish them well, in fact, I think it’s better for YOU if they don’t. It’s for your sake. It helps you let it go of the hurt, offended feelings so you can move on.
Don’t own someone else’s emotional baggage. Realize that no matter how wrong they are, they just reflecting their own pain onto your situation. It has NOTHING to do with you. Sure, it’s still aggravating, but don’t pick up someone else’s baggage, let them carry their own burden.
Trust your own goals and motivation. Focus on your goals, and your reasons. If you don’t have a strong goal or a strong reason, think of one. Life is an ongoing process, and if you let one toxic person wreck your path, then they’ve won. You deserve to forge your own way, for your own reasons.
Vent and let off steam if you have to. Find a way to get it off your chest and just let it go. I’ll admit, that’s what I’m doing with this blog post, and if blogging about it would help you, feel free to snatch the idea.
Use what you’re feeling to help someone else. Nothing refocuses you quicker than reaching out a hand to help someone else. Use your words to share how it felt, teach your kids to eat healthier, or do whatever you feel right about to help someone else live a better, healthier, more positive life.
I wanted to turn what I was feeling after this encounter around and turn it into something positive that would have a chance of helping someone else. So, I tried to put a little humor in it.
Thanks for reading, and while I hope you don’t ever encounter anyone toxic who makes you feel small and worthless like that toxic, nasty woman tried to make me feel, if you do, keep these things in mind and give them a try.
I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, more than normal, and one thing I often do when I get stressed is look for quotes about inner peace. I found some that really touched me a couple minutes ago, and I decided to share them here for anyone else who’s feeling the stress and not the peace today.
Stress or Peace?
I like this quote so much because it speaks to the fact that we get a choice and the thoughts and actions we choose affect the outcome we get.
“Every day brings a choice to practice stress or to practice peace.” – Joan Borysenko
That was it… simple… concise… the perfect reminder to just chill.
Where’s your Power?
I picked this second quote because I find it so easy to fall into the role of feeling like a victim when things pile up around me.
“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power lies!” – author unknown
It’s a gentle reminder that how you respond to things is where your power lies.
Your Chance to Grow
This last quote is another gentle reminder, or was for me and I hope it will be for you, that even when things seem bleak, it can be your chance to start fresh.
“Sometimes, when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.” – Christine Caine
So, make of that what you will, but keep in mind that the bullsh!t that gets heaped on your shoulders (from wherever and from whomever) can be used (by you) as amazing fertilizer to grow your future.
Trolls, Dream Stealers and Frienemies – How to Identify & Deal With Toxic People
By Kimberly Englot
You don’t have to go very far to find negativity. Just watch the news, listen to the radio, even on the internet and in social media, it can feel like where ever people gather, complaining, whining and negativity will follow.
Keep your attitude positive, and you’ll find more things to be positive about. Life will get better, you’ll feel happier. The secret is surrounding yourself with good people, and avoiding the rest. Avoid these 3 people if possible:
Troll. Trolls are funny creatures. They lie waiting for someone to say something and then BOOM they will swoop in and burst the bubble.
A troll is someone who comes in and says something destructive to you or about you, with no purpose other than to cause a reaction. You probably don’t even know this person. This happens a lot online. Through email, Facebook, Twitter and on blog, people are able to say things they wouldn’t dare do face-to-face.
· When a troll comes into your life, delete the message instantly (if possible).
· Do not reply to it.
· Do not try to soothe the person.
· All they are looking for is attention, so by not giving it to them you win and they will disappear. (If they don’t you have a completely different kind of toxic person – a stalker, and you should notify authorities and report the person).
Dream-Stealer. This person likes to be realistic. You have some exciting news, or a great idea, or a big dream and all they want to do is make you see all the possible chances for failure. They say things to make you doubt yourself. They also love to be right and will do what they can to make sure that they’re right and you’re wrong. They also enjoy being able to say, “I told you so.”
· Simplest way to deal with a Dream-Stealer is to protect your good news.
· If you have something to share, got a great idea, or have an opportunity coming up do not tell this person first. Tell others first. This protects yours positive energy.
Frienemy. This someone who is a Friend and an Enemy. I encourage you to look at this kind of friend…is someone who treats you this badly really a friend? How do you know you have one?
· You dread calling them if you have good news.
· You always feel worse after spending time with them.
· You have been friends for a long time, but aren’t sure why you have kept in touch.
· You become someone you don’t like when you’re with them. (whiny, complainy, negative).
· If you have a frienemy….talk to them about it if you want to remain friends (they may not be aware of it)
· If you don’t want to remain friends just stop spending so much time with them. If avoiding them bothers you, tell them outright that you are in different places in life and have nothing in common any more.
Toxic people have a way of draining the life energy from you, leaving you negative, numb and unsure of how to deal with them.
These kinds of toxic people can be really hard to deal with alone. If you are currently dealing with a “Troll,” “Dream-Stealer” or “Frienemy you’ll want to join me for the Happiness & Harmony Makeover, where I’m covering in detail exactly what to look out for AND how to deal with these kinds of negative people in your life.
About the Author: Kimberley Englot teaches success-driven women how to create the life vision they crave, have the courage to pursue it and live it from a purely authentic place so they can enjoy all the happiness, freedom and success they deserve.
Kimberly is the founder of the Center of Authentic Self Development. Learn more about her programs and gain access to FREE coaching, inspiration & advice at: http://www.kimberlyenglot.com
Thanks for visiting Intrinsic Vicissitude. I hope you enjoyed this great article by Kimberly Englot. To get the latest updates from intrinsic Vicissitude delivered to your inbox, sign up for our email notifications.
Everyone has stressful days, and I wanted to share these four calming quotes for anyone who is feeling a bit on edge. I hope you enjoy them and find some inspiration in them.
Having a Stressful Day? Check Out These 4 Calming Quotes
“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” – Charles Spurgeon
I tend to be a “worrier” so I found this first quote from Charles Spurgeon to be a calming reminder that worrying isn’t going to fix anything, and all it does is cause more stress.
“Getting stress out of your life takes more than prayer alone. You must take action to make changes and stop doing whatever is causing the stress. You can learn to calm down in the way you handle things.” – Joyce Meyer
If all you do is worry (I’ve done this many times) and not take action, the worry isn’t going to go away and will most likely even get more intense. Sometimes, we have to just make the best decision we can based on the information we have, and take action.
“Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of liberty.” – Thomas Jefferson
Another one about taking action – from one of the founding fathers of the United States. This one is a little more intense, because it speaks to the way people will accept a bad situation that’s controlling their lives instead of fighting – or taking action – to get free of the unwanted situation.
“I don’t think you should always stay calm in a tense situation, because you might not ever confront the problem. Maybe it’s better to actually let yourself be tense – and find a solution.” -Yoko Ono
I surprised myself when I picked this Yoko Ono quote, because I guess I don’t “identify” with her at all. But, I felt her quote was the perfect one to close this post with because it blends the earlier quotes into one simple theme.
Here’s the theme” Stop worrying and take (smart) action instead.
Ralph Waldo Emerson was one of the founders of the mid-19th century transcendental movement, known for his profound and inspiring way of thinking, his eloquent speeches and his stirring writing style. These three profound Emerson quotes are always true, even though the language in them is a bit dated.
Emerson on the Law of Nature
“The law of nature is, do the thing, and you shall have the Power; but they who do not do the thing have not the Power.”
While Emerson used the word Power in this quote, note that he capitalized it because it meant more than the type of power we typically think of when hearing the word. The Power is the Result of your efforts.
This quote invites you to take the action in life that is going to give you the results you want. And, it also kind of warns you that if you choose not to act, you most likely won’t get what you want.
Emerson on Love
“Love and you shall be loved. All love is mathematically just, as much as two sides of an algebraic equation.”
The catch that goes with this quote is – we often try to ‘command’ love. For example – someone may think or say, “I love him, but he doesn’t love me back, so this quote isn’t true.”
The thing is, you can’t command love and you can’t or shouldn’t try to impose your will on someone else. The love you give might not come back to you from the person you give it to.
That doesn’t mean the equation is untrue, it means love comes to each of us in its own way and in its own time. And, the term love in the quote doesn’t necessarily mean romantic love, it may mean friendship.
It may be the love of a pet or someone ill who you are caring for, or someone who cares for you when you get sick or infirmed. It’s just so much bigger than the love you find in a single relationship, and it’s easy to get caught up in thinking about love as only being romantic in nature.
Emerson on Pride and Weakness
“As no man had ever a point of pride that was not injurious to him, so no man had ever a defect that was not somewhere made useful to him. Every man in his lifetime needs to thank his faults. Our strength grows out of our weakness.”
I picked this Emerson quote to add here because vanity, pride, and boastfulness are such a waste of time and energy and they only bring down the ones who tap into them. People who are amazing don’t need to tell you that they are amazing – because you already KNOW.
Plus, some of the most amazing, talented people you could ever hope to encounter, developed that amazingness and their skills – in whatever field – through pain and weakness that was out of their control.
Ralph Waldo Emerson passed away in 1882, so the grammatical styles have changed even though his messages hold true today and always.
So many people in my life have experienced great loss this past year, it makes me feel a little… off… trying to write about gratitude. Today is a day for giving thanks, though, so I want to send out some simple, positive thoughts about being thankful.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” -Melody Beattie
Gratitude and the Holiday Season
So often, Thanksgiving, and the whole holiday season for that matter, gets tied up in expectations that peace and joy are going to bring so much fulfillment to everyone’s lives. Then, the “big day” rolls around and passes – maybe with plenty to be thankful for – maybe not, and everything is still the same at the end of the day. Then all those positive feelings slip away and it’s kind of a bummer.
It’s worth trying to focus on those positive feelings, though. Going back to the Melody Beattie quote – “Gratitude unlocks…” There’s a hidden truth there. Gratitude… thankfulness… it’s more than a feeling you have sometimes. It’s the key that helps you open the door to a more peaceful, fulfilled life.
Is In Your Hands
Gratitude alone won’t fix things, after all, it’s just a key. You have to turn it in the lock. You may even have to fix the lock first. You have to push open the heavy door that’s been made up from your burdens in life so far. You have to walk down the unfamiliar corridor that leads to a better place in life.
What Experiencing Gratitude Does for You
What gratitude does do, is it lets you breathe. It lets you know peace. It connects you emotionally with something bigger than yourself so you can heal and find a way through the dark times.
No matter what is going on in your life as you read this, my wish for you is that you are able to experience gratitude, if not for every little thing in your life, for something. And, I wish you peace and a happy, blessed Thanksgiving.
While I was walking today, I started thinking about what I wanted to be when I was a kid, how that changed over the years, and how I felt about it; so I’m wondering about other people’s experiences with the same topic. What I wanted to be “when I grew up” changed over the years, based on books I read and TV shows I watched, and I guess, on how life knocked me around. Sound familiar?
So Many Life Choices
We start making life choices when we’re really young, even if we are too young to realize it. The thing that really changes as we grow up, is when we’re young, our decisions get made for us. When we get older, we get to make our own choices, and even not making a choice, is a choice. Here’s what I mean, using myself as an example…
Some Decisions Get Made for You
When I was little, like Kindergarten age and younger, I wanted to be a ballerina. Or a princess. Or a writer. I didn’t really care which. To me, they were all amazing because two of them got to wear pretty pink clothes and one gets to play with words and letters all day. (I almost got to take ballet classes, but someone who might as well remain nameless decided I was too fat to be a ballerina.) That’s another story, really, but it’s a perfect example of an adult making a life choice for a child. (By the way, I would still really LOVE to be a princess or ballerina.)
Fate and the laws of nature decided I didn’t get to do this next pair of examples. As I got older, popular media kicked in and I really wanted to be a genie (thanks to I Dream of Jeannie) or a witch (thanks to Bewitched.) Again, I didn’t really care which, I just wanted to be “magic” – you know – something bigger and more exciting than a kid sitting in a room watching TV. Unfortunately, I didn’t know any good spells that worked and no matter how many times I jumped off that picnic table, I just could NOT fly!
Some Things You Choose for Yourself
There were other things over the years that I wanted to do, like being a lawyer so I could help people who were treated unfairly, and being an interpreter so I could help people understand one another. Choices I made, by not staying in college when I was younger, took these out of the equation for me. Going back to college when I was older opened the doors for me to become a writer. (Finally – one of my childhood dreams came true, because I chose it and worked for it.)
A Common Thread in Your Early Life Goals
But, there’s a common thread, and I’m suggesting you look for your common thread…
Everything I ever wanted to be was either creative, empowering, or centered on helping others – and I find it satisfying incorporating those things into my writing. So, maybe, if you, for whatever reason, aren’t living the life of your dreams… maybe you can find a common thread in the things you’ve always loved, and make that common thread part of your life going forward.
So, anyway… this is getting long, and my point isn’t that some things happened to me when I was a kid.
My point is, I hope you’ll take a moment to think back to what you wanted to be when you were a kid.
Did you achieve your childhood dream, or some version of it?
If you didn’t, it isn’t too late.
Are there common threads in the things you dreamt of being?
You may have to dig to find them, but they are usually there and worth the effort and time spent soul-searching.
Can you, today, make choices that make your life more satisfying and fulfilling?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this, so please share if you feel inspired to.
You can’t undo decisions that were made for you when you were a child, and you can’t change your own past decisions either, but you can look for ways to honor that child inside of you who wanted to be magic, or a ballerina, or a lawyer, or whatever YOU wanted to be.