Category Archives: Intrinsic Vicissitude

Develop a Healthy Self Image to Avoid the Pain of Depression and Loneliness

Your self image creates the way you look at and measure not only yourself, but also your role as a friend, spouse, parent, employee, and every other role you have in this life.

A Bad Self Image Puts Healthy Relationships at Risk

If your self image is negative – if you lack self love and self respect – it puts you at risk of ending up unhappy and lonely – no matter how many people are around you or love you.

Your self image is how you see yourself and your role in this life – and it can be incredibly hard to change if you have a negative sense of self because it is our natural reaction to (generally external) events that happen in our lives.

The Self Esteem Workbook: Create a Healthy Self Image
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No one else can develop a more positive sense of self esteem for you, it requires determination and effort on your part, but it is worth the effort.

When you begin to increase self confidence, it feels like a window is opening inside of you, letting in sunshine and positivity.

(It’s not a real window – obviously – it’s just an emotional sense of well-being.)

A poor self image doesn’t blossom into full fledged self confidence overnight – and it is unlikely to happen in a big, life changing “zap.”

Your self image most likely didn’t get damaged from a single tiny incident, so it takes more than a single tiny incident to restore.

Depression Is Only One of the Dangers of Poor Self Esteem

According to the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center, there are several consequences of poor self-esteem:

  • Depression
  • Loneliness
  • Anxiety
  • Stress
  • Problems developing friendships
  • Problem in romantic relationships
  • Impaired academic performance
  • Poor performance at work
  • Heightened vulnerability to chemical dependency

Avoiding the pain of these situations can give you a pretty powerful reason to want to increase your level of self respect, but knowing you need a healthy self image doesn’t tell you how to build confidence so you can get one.

Luckily, there are tools to help you recognize unhealthy patterns and to improve your self confidence.

Tools for Developing a Healthy Self Image

Mastering a Healthy Self Image: The Guidebook to Real Happiness and Enormous Success
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You can use positive self talk, journaling, and visualization to help yourself from within, in addition to asking for help from others, to help increase your willpower and to keep you focused on building a better self image.

  • Positive self talk: Give yourself a break! Instead of saying negative, self-deprecating things about yourself, like, “I’m such a clutz,” or “I’m so stupid.”
    • Focus on the things you do well – and make a point to say something about your positive aspects, at least inside your mind, and never speak the negative.
    • If you catch yourself thinking or saying negative things about yourself, make a conscious decision to stop.
  • Journaling: Use the same approach to daily journaling that was mentioned above, but instead of speaking the positive words about yourself, write them – even if it’s only one positive sentence every day.
    • If you’re really depressed and down on yourself, to where you can’t think of one positive thing to say, you can seek help from a loved one or a professional, or find some positive self image quotes and write them in your journal.
  • Visualization: Visualization is a powerful tool in building a positive self image, or anything you want out of life.
    • You can use the positive things you write in your journal as the basis for visualization, or use a guided meditation, or plan out your own self guided visualization to increase your self confidence.
  • External help: While asking for help can be the hardest thing to do when you’re self image is damaged, it is a powerful tool if you feel able to ask for help – and there is always help available if you reach out for it.
    • Help can come in the form of a loved one who helps you see the good in yourself, or a professional counselor.

There are so many reasons to take action and avoid the risk of depression and loneliness that comes from having a damaged self image, but the real and best reason is that you will feel better if you build a healthy sense of self and increase your self confidence.


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What Is Visualization?


By Dr. Laila Ahmed

What is Visualization?

Visualization Techniques
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Visualization is quite simply using your imagination. You create a scenario in your mind, just like a day dream and imagine yourself as part of it. It’s important to know that people visualize differently. Some peoples’ visual clarity is vibrant, full of color and as real as everyday life. For many others, when they close their eyes, they see darkness. This is completely normal, there isn’t anything wrong with these people, and it certainly does not mean that they can’t visualize. It’s just that they visualize at a deeper part of the mind, a part that they can’t mentally ‘see’ when they are awake. But pretty much everyone has woken up after having a dream and can recall pictures of what they were dreaming about. This proves that everyone certainly has the ability to visualize, just like everyone else. Again, it’s just that it happens on a different level of consciousness that isn’t normally seen while you are awake. Even though the pictures may not be seen, they are still there, and most people can “feel” that the picture is there and at some level are aware of it. The good news is that the more you practice, the more likely you are to start seeing those pictures with greater clarity and awareness.

The key thing to realize about your mind is that it doesn’t think in words. You mind actually uses visual imagery to communicate or think. We can use visualization as method for directly communicating with our mind. By imagining something as vividly as possible it’s sends a clear message to your mind, directing it’s inner resources to make your dreams a reality.

Why does Visualization work?

Visualization works because the mind doesn’t really know the difference between regular waking reality, dreams or consciously directed visualization. The mind understands all of these experiences as if it were a true waking experience. We use our conscious selves to determine the difference between normal waking reality and the dream world, but to the subconscious mind, they are one and the same. Think of visualizing as a mental practice that over time will enable you to perform the visualized acts in real everyday life. So if we use this powerful visualizing ability that we all possess, we are utilizing all of our inner resources to help us succeed. At the very least, no one can claim that visualizing hinders a performance, so there certainly isn’t any harm in it. Please keep an open mind and give it a try as we go through the exercises.

How to make Visualization extremely effective

There are some things to be aware of about visualizing that will improve it’s overall effectiveness. To make sure that your visualization is as effective as possible, we have to make it as sensory intensive as possible. This means that visualizing should include much more than just visual stimulation. We also want to imagine our other senses; touch, smell, hearing and taste. The more senses included in the experience, the more believable the experience will appear to your mind, improving it’s effectiveness. Think of it as if we are trying to recreate reality within our minds, in a way fooling ourselves into thinking that we truly had the experience. The advantage in working with visualization reality over normal reality is that we get to write the script ourselves, allowing us to create a scenario precisely the way we want it to be.

Include yourself in the visualization

So what is the one thing that is always present in all of your waking life experiences? It’s you! You are always there, always present during any of your experiences. So this means that we also want to include ourselves in the visualization process. Sometimes we can get caught up in visualizing a goal, we create a visual movie complete with smells, audio etc. but we forget to include ourselves in the picture. So remember to also include yourself when you are doing your visualizations. It makes it more like a real experience that has happened to you in the past.

Now consider if you just visualize yourself in the movie as a passive character. Just there sensing what is going on around you. That really doesn’t include everything that you normally experience is it? Normally, while you are experiencing things in life, you are thinking about what it happening, reacting and feeling emotions. Well guess what? We want to include these as well. So when you create your visualizations be sure to include yourself acting, reacting, thinking about what you are experiencing.

The most powerful, and probably the most important thing about visualizing is to really feel the emotions. I mean really intensely, don’t worry if it feels silly, or childish, just do it. If you are visualizing kissing a girl in the rain, don’t just experience the kiss itself, also feel the rain running through your hair. Feel the intensity of the emotions of that passionate kiss, really feel everything just as if you were really in that situation. I promise that the more energy you put into these visualizations the more success you will have in achieving your goals.


Visualization is for everyone, particularly successful people.

The human brain thinks in visual imagery

Visualization is effective even if you have trouble ‘seeing’ the mental picture – just think the thoughts and feel the emotions

The brain can’t tell the difference between reality and imagination or visualization

Remember to include the following in your visualizations.


Visual Intensity, Clarity and Vibrancy





Include yourself in the action.

Intellect (What are you thinking during the visualization?)

Emotions (What feelings are you having during the visualization?)

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Five Inspiring Self Esteem Quotes

Rather than chat about my thoughts on building self confidence, for tonight’s post I just want to share these five inspiring quotes and a few words about why I love each of them. I hope you’ll find them to be great confidence booster, and that you’ll enjoy reading them as much as I did.

5 Self Esteem Quotes

“Self-trust is the first secret of success.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self Esteem Quotes
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 If you don’t believe you can do something, you won’t be able to. It’s believing in yourself and trusting your own inner knowledge that guides each of us to – or away from – personal success.

“Someone’s opinion of you does not  have to become your reality.”

– Les Brown

Does anyone really know you better than you know yourself? No one can know every thought, every nuance of character that slides through each of our minds, so no one else’s opinion of us really matters a bit. You know in your heart who you are, block out the voices of others that ring in your ears if they bring you negativity and false judgement.

“The man who does not value himself, cannot  value anyone or anything.”

– Ayn Rand

Don’t waste your life and your heart chasing after or waiting on someone who does not even love him or herself and who is incapable of loving you – if they don’t love themselves, they won’t ever truly love you – they are incapable. That also goes for you – if you want to be capable of loving someone else, recognize what is good ad lovable in yourself, and let it blossom before you draw someone else into a loveless relationship.

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you won’t do anything with it.”

– M. Scott Peck

Self Esteem Quotes
Click here to buy this book!

Learn your worth – walk away from the TV or computer games, or whatever your “escape” thing is – and show yourself what you are capable of – learn what you – what your time is worth – then make a beautiful, positive impact on the world, because you owe it to yourself to do that.

“Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the high road to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.”

– Margaret Thatcher

It’s true – if you do the right thing even when it’s hard, it touches you to the core of your being, and that goes the opposite way too, though. If you do the wrong thing, it leaves a charred mark on your spirit that takes a long time to heal – if it ever does.


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Self Improvement Starts with Self Empowerment

Self improvement starts with self empowerment and leads you to a new, more fulfilling life. There has to be that one moment where you stop and go, “Oh wow! I can do this!” or “I am worth it!”

Self Empowerment

Self Empowerment 101
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Give yourself permission to be awesome, then just do it! Your power is already inside of you, waiting as potential, like stored energy, so go ahead and use it.

Consider the tidbits of information below and then tell me what you’re doing to empower yourself to rewrite your life story – or don’t tell me – and just go live your best life because you deserve it!


Visualization is a powerful tool that you can use when you’re ready to take control of your life.

I remember hearing and reading statements like that in the past, and until I reached the point where I was ready, deep down, to move on to something better, happier, it sounded like – well – bunk – to me.

Then one day, I was reading a book, and while it wasn’t a book about visualization, it discussed how to effectively visualize, and explained the steps, and I gave it a try – just like that, visualization made sense to me.

Healthy Relationships

Whether you are thinking about love relationships, relationships with your friends, or familial relationships, you can’t have truly healthy relationships without learning to love yourself first.

That, in turn, means self empowerment is the first step, and the key, to learning how to develop healthy relationships.

Self Respect

Self respect comes to visit you when you begin to let your inner strength grow and you take control of your life.

Building a better life – building the life you want to live – is all about action – and if you don’t take it, chances are you’re going to stay stuck right where you are.

Self Confidence

Self Confidence
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Self confidence is like the cherry on top of the dessert. It’s your prize for your hard word.

It’s your reward for taking action and choosing self empowerment and for rewriting your life story so it turns out the way you want it.

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Attract Good Things with Mind Self-Control

I just finished reading a book by author Maulin Hendriks, How to Control Your Thoughts: Mind Control Techniques to Change the Way You Think and Attract Success and Happiness, and I wanted to share a little bit about it here because its theme fits so perfectly with my goal of sharing positive things here.

Mind Self-Control

This book is not super long – a quick to read piece of mind-candy – to boost your spirits and brighten your mood. How to Control Your Mind is a reminder to recognize negativity and it offers a handful of effective tips for breaking the pattern of negativity in your life.

“Find the opportunity in every difficulty.”

This is one of my favorite quotes from the book, because it fits so cleanly with my personal philosophy in life. I used to get stuck in self-pity, and sometimes it still catches up with me, but not as much, because now whenever I start to feel overwhelmed – or maybe underwhelmed is a more accurate word – I stop and force myself to create something positive.

“Don’t let the negative forces of this world slow you down or leak into your thoughts. -Accept, push through, and rebound.”

I also loved this about the book, How to Control Your Thoughts: Mind Control Techniques to Change the Way You Think and Attract Success and Happiness, because it recognizes that negative things outside of yourself are going to be affecting you, but you can choose how to respond, how to react, and you can move forward by making a conscious choice to focus on the positive.

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How to Be Positive

It is so easy to get stuck in the negative, and then nothing seems to go right. The way our minds work, we get a little boost of joy when something good happens, but then we go right back to normal. Then, when something bad happens, we get bummed and stay bummed. We get a new “normal” and it’s a less positive new normal.

How to Be Positive

Being positive, being happy: those things take work sometimes because of the human tendency to get mired down in negativity. The simplest exercise to pull yourself out of a negative spot is to simply shift your focus to something good that happened.

I’m not suggesting you paste on a smile if something truly awful has happened, but don’t let things suck you into a pit of negativity and keep you there.

Maybe you feel like your whole day has been bad, but if you mentally go back through the day, you’ll find there was something good – even if it’s small, like someone holding the door for you and wishing you a good day at the gas station when you went in to pay.

How to Get Success in Life

Only you can define what success means to you, for some people it’s having a life filled with loved ones and warm place to sleep at night. For others, it’s having a fancy car or McMansion to impress others.

However you define success, you can have it if you choose it. I’m not saying if you just go, “Hey, I’m gonna be rich,” you’ll get rich, I’m saying if you set a goal, and are willing to do what it takes, you can succeed.

The problem tends to be, people set goals, but when it comes right down to it, they aren’t willing to do what it takes to turn the goal into reality.

What Is Peace of Mind?

Peace of mind is defined as the absence of mental stress or anxiety, and there’s a reason people chase after it – it feels pretty darn good. The problem is, no one can give it to you, and you can’t buy it – for any price.

You have to claim it, and be willing to focus on the positive in order to get peace of mind – and it’s not always easy. If it were easy, everyone would be  chilled and happy – but back to human nature again…

It takes work to break out of negativity – and just like with achieving goals – many people are just not willing to do what it takes to earn and have peace of mind – no matter how much they want it.

Happiness Quotes

One of my favorite ways to focus on the positive is writing positive things – which is part of why I chose the awesome video I shared above – the speaker suggested doing something I do and, frankly, it always works for me, and I hope it will for you, too, if you try it.

Pick up a pen and write positive things – happiness quotes are great, because a simple Internet search gives you tons to choose from, you don’t have to think them up yourself, and the experience of writing positive words turns the thought into a physical action on your part.

My personal approach to this is, I have a composition notebook that is just for my positive quotes. I start a lot of my posts here on Intrinsic Vicissitude with positive quotes I have saved over the years.

I look for quotes by both people I admire and people I have never heard of before, and I get quotes from books I read, that inspire me, too.

I have a thing about pens, and I incorporate that into my composition book of quotes. I have a hard time finding pens that feel right in my hand, so I buy a lot of pens, then, if I find a kind I like, I buy a few of them… I’m not telling you this to talk about myself, I’m just using this as my example to complete this thought.

I don’t like a pen that drags on the paper, a dragging pen feels negative to me, as unusual as that may sound, so I look for pens that feel smooth and silky as they glide across the paper.

If you have a thing like that, that may seem quirky or different, don’t let it bog you down, you have every right to find your right pen, or whatever it is that removes negativity from your life. After all, it’s our quirks that make us who we are, and we might as well embrace them, because they aren’t going away.

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Build a Strong Foundation to Support Your Future Success

This is a review of the book 10 Stacks to Success by Jerome, “Jay” Isip.

Success: One Goal at a Time

Isip is a professional mixed-martial arts fighter and entrepreneur, and the book shares his philosophy on achieving success by setting and achieving one goal at a time.

The book combines transcendentalism and positivity with a realistic kick in the butt approach to get your attention.

My favorite thing, in addition to the message, was the worksheet-style format where lines were provided for taking notes after self-reflection activities.

This is the perfect book for someone who is ready to rewrite their life story – because it has such a positive message and it is written in everyday language to guide you from where you are, through the process of goal-setting, to changing your attitude, and experiencing gratitude.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for  review on Amazon, but I knew right off it was a perfect fit for a review here on Intrinsic Vicissitude. If you check it out, be sure to stop back and let me know what you think.

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Accepting Emotional Abuse Blocks Your Ability to Build a Happy Life

If you’re here on Intrinsic Vicissitude to learn about building a better, happier life, but you are also in an emotionally abusive relationship, you already know first-hand that the title of this post is true – but did you also know you have choices and do not have to remain a victim of this type of emotional manipulation?

Accepting emotional abuse takes away your joy and stops you from growing as a person. It gives the person bullying you all the power and wraps the victim in a shroud of stress and fear.

What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a type of relationship bullying that typically uses verbal abuse and manipulative, spirit-crushing tactics to control the victim. It does not leave the same physical signs as domestic violence, but it is a serious form of domestic abuse.

Living with emotional bullying leaves the victim angry, and afraid. Happiness cannot exist, much less grow in a soil made up of anger and fear.

How to Stop Being Bullied by a Loved One

First of all, if someone is bullying you – that is not a person who loves you. It is a person who wants to control you, and that has nothing to do with love or affection.

  • If you or a loved one are dealing with this type of victimization, recognize your own role in it – in that by accepting it you allow it to continue.
  • Educate yourself on codependent relationships.
  • Seek counseling.
  • Keep a journal if you can keep your bully from reading it and using it as a tool to bully you more.
  • Do whatever you have to do to get stronger so you can have the life you want and deserve.

You can learn more about identifying emotional abuse on the Dr. Phil website, or reading a book on codependency, such as Why Women Pick Losers and Jerks or Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.

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Why Women Pick Losers and Jerks

This is a review of a book that was personally helpful to me. It’s called, Why Women Pick Losers and Jerks by Jim Hedges.

Click here to buy this book!

I’m sharing it here because understanding your pain can be the key to building a better life.

I got this book when I was looking for answers – after spending over 20 years stuck with a guy I had nothing in common with, who enjoyed lying and taking things, and who, seriously, I couldn’t stand.

At the same time, I felt stuck – trapped – like there was no hope whether I was with him or not – and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t break away.

I would ask myself every day – usually several times a day, why I stayed with the jerk – sometimes I used words a lot nastier than jerk.

I had truly loved the man at first – but just like a weed – love can be killed if you stomp on it enough times.

Reading this book gave a name to my pain, it let me see that I was codependent – how I got that way – and even gave me a direction to turn for the next phase of my life.

My life didn’t change overnight – took me a lifetime to get so broken – will take some time to fix – but it helped me start healing.

It showed me that I wasn’t powerless and I could choose to have the life I want. It let me see that a troubled childhood had left my self-esteem damaged, but that it didn’t have to define my life story.

I liked the tone that was used to write the book – like a chat with a good friend, and the real life examples of women who, like me, had picked losers and jerks – for the same reasons.

I wasn’t alone! My reactions, clinging to a doomed relationship- normal!

This book is perfect for identifying what happened and what you need to do to get your life back on track after a relationship with a loser or a jerk.


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Tips on Personal Organization

I recently received a free, digital copy of a book on organizing in exchange for a review on Amazon.

I liked the book so much, I decided to share it here, too. It is called Getting Organized: Best Tips for a Less Stressful Life.

Getting organized can play a key role in changing your life story, if disorganization is a problem, so if chaos surrounds you, the tips in this book can make a huge difference as you work on getting organized.

Here is what I liked especially about the book:

  • It included tips for different areas of everyday life. I especially enjoyed the tips on organizing finances, because that is an area I find so many people struggle with – and the tips are easy to add to a daily routine, which makes them even more brilliant and excellent.

The book provides tips on many different aspects of everyday life, and that can make it hard to follow, but if you decide to read it, I recommend that you take the time to book mark the parts that pertain to your life, so you can refer back to them, because they are based on the author’s real life experience and she offers tips on implementing them, to make it easy for readers to do the same.

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